exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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