When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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