I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize