What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
