its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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