Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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