Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
