They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You need Xanax blowdarts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
