$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
