Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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