dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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