but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
