No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
