and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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