There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
