ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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