so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
