I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
