yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
