Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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