I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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