talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
