I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
not ubering you a puppy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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