You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
