so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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