Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My ass is underappreciated
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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