You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
