My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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