I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
