I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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