i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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