He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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