Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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