Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
