he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
