i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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