I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
