ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize