What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
