from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
