I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
