one two three fourrrrnication!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
