my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
vagina is talking i cant
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
