I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
