I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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