we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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