I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
