omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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