i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
