my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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