My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
