Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
