found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
