Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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