i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
