you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
