Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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