WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
