omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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