girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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